I read a post today by a blogger I follow in which she gives the advice to ‘Write Anyway,’ even when we don’t feel like it. Or when we feel like our words are unoriginal. Or when we feel like we have nothing left to contribute.
The writer offers several suggestions on what to write about, one of which, I’m going to write about here today…
Write about something that feels like it pulverizes your heart.
Many of you may, or may not, know that I’ve been going through a very difficult time in my personal life right now. If you follow me on social media (Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest), you’ve likely read any one of my posts and thought to yourself, “Hmmm…there’s something not very ‘Michelle’ about that.”
See, I’m a positive person by nature. I’m typically ‘glass half-full’ and an optimist. However, that’s not where I’m ‘living’ right now. Right now, I’m living in a place of hurt.
Without going into a ton of detail here, my heart has been pulverized.
My heart has been ripped out of my chest. Thrown on the ground. Stomped on. Annihilated. Pulverized.
By lies. By deceit. By intentional withholding of crucial information. This information (and the lack thereof) caused me to make some HUGE life-changing decisions, that I would have made differently, had I known.
All by someone whom I trusted very deeply. I’m finding out this person was not worthy of my trust and loyalty.
If it were just me that it affected, it would be a different story. But, it involved my kiddos too. And now I’m angry.
I’m angry at myself for allowing this to happen.
I’m angry at the other person for doing this. For making the choices made.
My heart and my soul feel parched. Devoid of feeling. Vacant of life.
I found this on Pinterest last night and shared it with a friend and it is so accurate of how I’m feeling right now.
I am awesome at putting on the ‘tough girl’ facade. But I’m hurt and broken and my heart has been pulverized.
I need a friend. Someone who isn’t going to betray me and my trust and my loyalty. Because make no mistake about it, I am loyal. As long as it’s reciprocated.
I need a friend. Someone who I can trust. Implicitly.
I need a friend. Someone who will not further break me. Because I’m tired of being broken.
I’m looking for beauty in the world and something REAL in life that I can cling to. Something genuine. Something without pretense. Something that doesn’t make me want to lick a razor blade. Something that makes me want to be a better person. Something that makes ME better. Something that leaves a legacy for my children.
I don’t want to hear you tell me about how you have all of your shit together. Because the truth is, none of us do.
I don’t want you to try and impress me with your well-put-together appearance.
I want to hear about your brokenness.
I want to know what makes your heart feel pulverized.
Show me how you are genuine.
I want to see you on your worst day, so I can see that you fall apart too sometimes.
Because transparency is what makes you relatable. And real.
And I love REAL.